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I love you.” “Love you too.” After I hung up with Nate, I stared at my phone for a good five minutes before I got over myself and called her. �...Kat?” She sounded surprised. “Hey, Lara.” My stomach was in my throat, suffocating me and making my voice sound like I’d been on a three-day bender. “Kat, I’m so sorry. What happened the other night… I thought there was a moment. I didn’t mean to ruin anything. I love you – as a friend – and I’ve felt really shitty about the whole thing. I didn’t mean to. I took the months following to not only heal but to make hard decisions. This included making the decision to be full time. I no longer had a need to keep any remnants of John. He was never the person I was all those years. When I wasn't dressed as Sara, I was sad. I was alone.I found a doctor and started my hormones. I quit my job and found a place that actually had better pay and closer to my home. They also understood about my situation and worked with me. To everyone that worked there, I. They didn’t want judged afterward. They didn’t want the fear of exposure or ridicule inhibiting them when it was time for action. Privacy and secrecy ease inhibitions, but at the moment the actual group was holding them back.If four of them left with two guys, it didn’t take an MIT math whiz to know the numbers meant there were going to be witnesses. Direct if they went the group route, or waiting voyeurs if they opted for privacy and one on one time. Alcohol would decrease their judgment and. I stayed in Kentucky and got a job with the state. I made a lot of friends but most of them were married. The wives were always trying to fix me up.I loved the sex but just didn't feel serious enough to commit to a relationship. Since most of my sexual affairs happened on the first date, I had to wonder how faithful these women would be in a marriage.I know this sounds dumb coming from me but if I ever got married I would want a relationship built on trust. I would want a monogamous marriage. I.
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