-- Steven WrightWhen will all the rhetorical questions end?We have mileage, yardage and footage. Why don’t we have inchage?Bumper Sticker:If you can...read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.The other day, I was walking my dog around my building ... on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.-- Steven WrightStudies show that 100% of those who advocate abortion are people who already have been born.What’s dumb? Directions on toilet paper.What’s dumber than. I hidbehind a large oak tree just as I saw the cop rush to Vick."Hey, Vick," the cop nervously muttered."What we got here, Sam?" A hostage situation," he answered as he stared at the shop. They wereso far away yet I had zero trouble hearing them. Guess I can add anothersuper power to my list. Maybe I should keep a record of..."What makes you think..." They said they have a guy. My guess is it's Marvin--that odd guy whoworks the shop at night. He has that tattoo of a..." Yeah, I know him," Vick. ‘I want to have a baby.’ My room is on the fourth floor of a walkup in the old town. In winter, there is an occasional clanging that rises up the floors and within the walls, perhaps from the pipes that bring the hot water to the radiators. The sound offers me a distraction and I seize upon it. As I place my hand on the radiator in an attempt at naive diagnosis, I can sense you smiling in the darkness, smiling at my confusion. ‘Come back here and make yourself useful. Chop chop!’ Your giggles. "Have you ever heard of past-life regressions? I think I have just had one," she said turning to me.I listened while she told me that she was a slave girl, sixteen perhaps; the master of the house had taken her to the phallus to break her virginity and impregnate her. She described the joy of having a penis in her for the first time. She could feel the spunk jetting up into her, and her body's orgasms. Then how she felt as a woman for the first time."I could even see the landscape; they have.
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